What Are The Four Agreements in The Four Agreements Book?

Hi there! I want to share the Four Agreements with you today so you can have more personal freedom. These are from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements.

If you have not read the book yet, I am thrilled to share with you this big idea because I firmly believe that adhering to these four agreements could change your life. These are as follows:

1st Agreement: Be impeccable with your words.

“The first agreement is the most important one and also the most difficult one to honor. It is so important that with just this first agreement you will be able to transcend to the level of existence I call heaven on earth.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. It sounds very simple, but it is very, very powerful.”

The word impeccable has a root. The word “impeccabilis” originates from the Latin “im-” (not) + peccare (“to err, to sin”). Implies not to sin, literally.

When we speak without sin, we speak to ourselves and to others with words that are positive and empowering. We do not criticize, trash talk, or assign blame with words. We abide by our words with integrity. We commit to doing what we say we will do.

Words have such great power. They have the power to make or break you or another person. When speaking with yourself or anybody else, choose your words carefully.

So how is your self-talk going now? Are you talking positively or negatively to yourself?

Are you honoring your promises to yourself or other people? Are you elevating or demeaning other people with the language you use?

2nd Agreement: Don’t take anything personally.

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… if I see you on the street and say, ‘Hey, you are so stupid,’ without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me.

If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, ‘How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?’”

“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

We set ourselves up for unnecessary suffering when we take anything personally. It is true that practicing this is difficult. We often respond negatively to criticism and stand up for ourselves when someone expresses their views to us.

These individuals who shared their unsolicited thoughts with us might have two goals: either they want to destroy us or just want to help. In any case, we are free to decide how best to respond to their remarks or thoughts.

That reminds me of one of Deepak Chopra’s mantras:

“I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others.”

Remember that the opinions of others do not determine your value. Thus, always remember this second agreement: Do not take things personally!

3rd Agreement: Don’t make assumptions.

“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real.

We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems.

We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”

This is a common pitfall in many relationships. We often fall into the trap of thinking that because we have been with our significant other for a long time, they should already be aware of our body language, feelings, needs, desires, dreams, and so on. It is incredibly unhealthy and will only lead to a great deal of drama, misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentment.

This book reminds me to stop assuming and start communicating clearly. When things are not clear, ask for clarification. When there is something you do not understand, seek to understand it.

So when you notice yourself making assumptions, have the courage to ask until it is crystal clear, even if it becomes annoying or makes you look stupid. Remember the third agreement: Do not make assumptions!

4th Agreement: Always do your best.

“There is just one more agreement, but it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best.”

Ruiz continues: “Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.”

“If you just do your best, there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don’t judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment.”

Always do your best in every situation. Avoid being critical of yourself, and understand that your best may vary from day to day.

Want to instill these four agreements as a habit? Practice it every day, in small baby steps, and always strive to give your best effort. Remember the fourth agreement: Always do your best!!!

There you go! These are the four agreements to live by so you can claim back your personal power. They look simple and logical; however, committing to follow these agreements takes patience and discipline.

If you fall off the wagon, no big deal!  Just get up, be kind to yourself, and practice it again. And always do your best from moment to moment. Eventually, your best will become better and better every day.

                                          

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If you want to dig deeper into Don Miguel Ruiz's wisdom, check out his book, The Four Agreements. Alternatively, check out the Philosopher’s Notes for big ideas from this book.

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